britney



It’s a grey & rainy day here in Baltimore… so I need some extreme cheese to brighten the day. Nothing says extreme cheese like Britney Spears.

Britney Spears & Madonna – Me Against The Music (Justice Remix)
Britney Spears – Born To Make You Happy (Bonus Remix)
Britney Spears – Crazy (Spacedust QB Edit)

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I forgot to post yesterday, so today you get 4 songs!!! Woohoo!!

Brenda Lee – Rockin’ Around the Christmas TreeCLASSIC CHRISTMAS TUNE!!
InMemory – The Most Wonderful Time of The YearBecause nothing says holiday season like some raucous punk rock to get the Christmas vibes a-pumping!
Britney Spears – My Only Wish (This Year)Britney is a red-hot mess this holiday season, but here is a chestnut from better days. Campy cheesy Christmas glee!
Paul McCartney – Wonderful Christmastime (Esanto Remix)An extra beat is thrown in to make it more scratchilicious!

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Britney Spears ft. Lil’Kim – Gimme More (Dirty Remix)

Up until now, I had kind of tolerated Brit-tit-tit’s new song. It’s a good song for her, but nowhere near the best song ever. It is now though. The bald one scored my girl Kim to do the remix. You go Britney! Or Brit’s management (more likely)! Either way, the song is even better now!

PLUS — NEWS ALERT!!!
Kim has said her new album will drop February 14, 2008 – Valentine’s Day. Hopefully that is true & accurate, because I can’t wait!!! For now, dig the teaser single:
Lil’ Kim – Chillin’ Tonight (Dirty)

I’m a music awards show junkie. I love the big spectacles, I love seeing the people get awards, I love theorizing over which artist will win versus who should win. I love music. I just learned though, that I hate the Video Music Awards. And the 2007 offering of those awards, was like a car crash… only not as interesting.

The theme for the evening was SUCKAGE. And Britney Spears started us off right. Her thunder thighs carried her hungover ass out on the stage, where she was not only missing a rumored Kriss Angel magic/illusion/gimmick, but also live vocals, choreography, energy, balance (seriously – bitch stumbled visibly 3 times). The song is decent, her great comeback, alternatively, was embarassing. After Brit cleared the stage to underwhelming applause, a lightning speed opening clip ran, & then out came the evening’s highlight. Sarah Silverman rocked a clever & hilarious opening monologue, that unfortunately went over the heads of 80% of those in attendance. It was fascinating to see her mocking 50 Cent & Paris Hilton with them right in front of her. The rumor I heard was that Brit was furious over the jokes at her expense, & that the jokes were planned to follow a tremendous opening performance. Except that performance never happened. So the jokes seemed to have more bite then they were supposed to. Allegedly. Either way, MTV keeps getting Sarah Silverman booked for all their gigs, something I don’t understand. Sarah is brutal, ironic, & hysterical, however, I firmly disbelieve that your average viewer of ‘The Hills’ or ‘My Super Sweet Cherry 16′ would really even “get” any of her jokes. And judging by her reception, neither do most celebrities.

What followed for 2 more hours was a barrage of commercials for heinous looking MTV shows, terribly abbreviated music performances, a confusing jumble of performances all over the Palms Hotel, the briefest acceptance speeches ever, some ugly ass dresses, & an audience of 2 in my living room getting more distracted as time went by. I think I’ve outgrown most MTV shows by about 5 years, & with every commercial my basic reaction was ‘who watchs this shit’ & ‘why!?’

And then MTV rolled out a laundry list of musical performers that fluctuated up until the actual event. ‘How could they possibly fit all these performances into one 2 hour show?’ was the question on my tongue. The answer to that question really makes me throw up in my mouth. ‘How about we not show the full performances?’ was the idea some jackoff at MTV had, & roll with it they did. One artist performed a song in full – Britney. Alicia Keys, Timbaland, & Chris Brown all performed on the main stage, but they all did medleys, no full songs (though Chris’ dance moves were impressive; his Michael Jackson homage was nice, but nothing groundbreaking, especially since he did the same thing for James Brown on the Grammy’s earlier this year.) The glut of other performers were in a few other places – Kanye West’s party suite, Timbaland’s suite, Fallout Boy’s suite, LAX niteclub, Foo Fighter’s suite, or the mini stage in front of Mark Ronson’s setup. The people hosting these suites performed in their suites, plus guests like Rihanna, Cee-Lo, 50 Cent, Common, Gym Class Heroes, T.I., Linkin Park, Daniel Merriweather, & Adam Levine of Maroon 5, plus about 4-6 other people that I would be hard pressed to name in a line-up. All we got to see of these performers, however, was a minute or less cutaway during set changes & commerical breaks. This year, if you want to see full performances, you needed to go on-line.

FUCK THAT!!!

When I watch an award show I want the full performance. If it’s someone I like I want to be impressed, if it’s someone I don’t then I get to pee or smoke. Plus, only a handful of people turned in decent performances. Alicia Keys sounded like she was pushing her voice (I think because her clothes were too tight), the guy from Fall Out Boy’s voice was shot, Rihanna can’t sing live (but at least she tried – I’m talking to you Chris & Brit), and most of the other ones happened so fast I couldn’t make a jusdgement either way. Well except for 50 Cent. I just plain don’t like him.

Oh & then the awards. Collaboration of the Year – Beyonce & Shakira. Really? A song that radio wouldn’t touch, & that I still have yet to see the video for. Female of the Year – Fergie Methface? (Who didn’t even show-up!) Video of the Year – Umbrella (excellent song… ok video)? I dunno who decides this shit, but at least Carrie Under(pants)wood didn’t win best new artist!

To close the fucker off, Timbaland & his best friends (Timberlake, Furtado, Keri Hilson, DOE & Sebastian) gave us an almost awesome finale. Everyone looked great & sounded good (in spite of all my venom over this show… the lighting for the finale really did kick ass). I understand the abbreviation of the songs, it is a medley after all. My problem – how do you have Nelly Furtado, Justin Timberlake, & Timbaland all on one stage, with the beat to ‘Give It To Me’ blasting, and have them no perform the whole fucking song!? Goddammit!!!

Insult to fucking injury.

Needless to say. I was tremendously disappointed in this years VMA’s. And I think we’re gonna break up. It’s not me… it’s them. They suck, and my tastes have mved on. Sure the Grammy’s are a bit long. But at least they’re planned out and done up right.

Fuck you MTV. You wasted 2.5 hours of my life. And the couple million other people who watched too. You really need the Old Yeller treatment!

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Between 1998 & 2003, you couldn’t be in a club for 15 minutes without hearing a Thunderpuss remix. You couldn’t be a pop star with a new single without a remix by them. You couldn’t run a club without having Thunderpuss coming through & DJ’ing sooner or later. Comprised of producers Barry Harris & Chris Cox, they were the biggest names in dance music at the time. They rose to fame with tremendous remixes of Billie Myers’ ‘Kiss The Rain’ & Whitney Houston’s ‘It’s Not Right But Its OK’, had a string of seemingly endless, then rumor has it, they parted ways over a disagreement over a Hilary Duff remix. Over time they remixed an illustrious guest list including Madonna, Amber, the Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, Celine Dion, Christina Aguilera, Janet Jackson, Donna Summer, Jennifer Lopez, Kim English, LeAnn Rimes, Mary J. Blige, Pet Shop Boys, Tamia, Ultra Nate…. should I keep going? The sound is a little dated now, but these hits really take me back to my mis-spent youth. Enjoy!!

Shakira – Ready For The Good Times (Thunderpuss QB Edit)
Whitney Houston – My Love Is Your Love (Thunderpuss Edit)
Britney Spears – Slave 4 U (Thunderpuss Radio Mix)
Enrique Iglesias – Be With You (Thunderpuss Radio Mix)

If you haven’t already read my monster post on the VMA’s. Click here to do it now.
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For now, here’s an update on performers.

Amy Winehouse had to cancel, as she has with 99% of her upcoming appearances, because they tried to make her go to rehab, and she couldn’t say no no no. Lily Allen, who I was all excited to see also had to ‘pull out’ because of ongoing visa issues stemming from her decking a UK paparazzi. They were probably totally asking for it!!

I’m also surprised to see the neither Beyonce, not Justin Timberlake will be performing, considering they’re both leading the night in nominations.

Who is performing then? Well…

Britney Spears is confirmed to be opening the show with her new single ‘Gimme More’. Expect miming & magic tricks!

The only other girls performing for tonight are golden girl Rihanna – if she performs ‘Shut Up & Drive’ I’ll vomit, if she performs ‘Don’t Stop The Music’ I’ll shriek like a giddy school girl; & Nelly Furtado – no word on what she” be performing, but I imagine they called her up since Lily & Amy had to bail, it must suck to be so talented & still not be top choice.

Fall Out Boy for the emo rockers & Foo Fighters for the old school rockers.

In a moment of truly surprising inspiration , MTV for some reason has booked Mark Ronson & Daniel Merriweather to play on the show. I imagine it will be the UK hit ‘Stop Me’ which is an awesome song, but virtually unheard in the US outside of blogs.

Hip-Hop rules the rest of the evening with performances in some way shape or form from Kanye West, Common, Timbaland (also doubling as the host/maestro/whatev), Cee-Lo, & Gym Class Heroes. You’d think that would be enough for an awards show, but don’t bet on any acceptance speeches going any longer than ‘Thank you” because we’re also to expect performances from 50 Cent, Akon, Chris Brown, Lil’ Wayne, Soulja Boy, & T-Pain.

So while it is a bit of hip-hop overload, there’s enough surprises to make me tune in on Sunday at 9 (plus it’s not on until after Big Brother!!). Shantytown will be too… since I’m making her come over & watch!

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