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To herald the return of the dimwit of the day, I give you: Cypher.

Douglas Ramsey was a mainstay of the New Mutants, the second student team associated with the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning, basically, the junior X-Men of the 80’s. Now you know I’d rather crap on my own face then to talk bad about my precious X-Men, however, Doug Ramsey was a total waste. His invaluable mutant power couldn’t harm a fly — he was able to decipher (get it… Cypher) any language, written, spoken, or technological. Oooh! Wolverine can cut up anything with knives that come out of his arm. Storm can control the weather. Kitty Pryde (Doug’s sort of girlfriend) can walk through walls. Cypher can, um… talk and read and stuff. OOh. Scary. Magneto’s is pissing in his purple panties with fear. NOT! Knowing they had a turd on their hands, the powers that be at Marvel decided to kill him in New Mutants #60. But this Dimwit would have his day again!
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In the 90’s, they decided to revive him. There was a terrible villain going around by the name of the Phalanx. The Phalanx was some strange alien/mutant/techno-organic race that could absorb electronics and people, and sort of make them into sort of mechanical pod people, all sharing one sentient mind. Back in the New Mutants, Cypher’s best friend was an alien techno-organic shape-shifter called Warlock. Warlock died later in the series, and his ashes were scattered onto Doug’s grave (how you can incinerate the body of a dead techno-organic alien… which is basically “magic” metal… and have it turn into ashes is beyond me). The Phalanx came along and collected Warlock’s ashes to assimilate him and make the Phalanx stronger. Oopsy, they gathered up Doug’s remains too. Somehow, Doug & Warlock merged inside the Phalanx, and were able to break apart and become there own separate entity from the Phalanx collective. And now my head hurts from trying to explain all that.

Then, Douglock (yeah… it keep getting lamer), after helping the X-Men to defeat the Phalanx, got to join Excalibur for a few years. After they realized the character was still lame, and around the time Excalibur got canned, Douglock got sent off into chracter limbo. Where he will hopefully stay. For a long long time!

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