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So I made a stop in at Wal-Mart on my lunch break today. I was running errands and I needed to shop for some gifts for 2 friends’ birthdays that are today (didn’t find them there, Target was much more lucrative). I know Wal-Mart is the devil and that many people revile the place, however, I have Yuengling taste on a Steel Reserve budget, so I have to save cash where I can. After I win the lottery I can worry about doing all my shopping at fancier places.

If you’ve been to Wal-Mart, you probably know that your shopping trip is tempting fate, with both your life, and your mental well-being. Scary people shop at Wal-Mart. Stupid, trashy, dirty, and otherwise avoidable. You’ll shop along side them at Wal-Mart, whether you are in the same boat, or maybe even theoretically “better off”. Maybe a little smarter, or nicer, or maybe you’ve just taken a shower more recently then they have.

Not judging, just recognizing.

So really, no trip to Wal-Mart is complete without:
-some stupid twat walking as slow as can be, with a large cart, directly in front of you
-people ignoring the pedestrian zone where people move from the parking lot to the entrance (I once saw a woman struck by a car in this area)
-body odors that would make a skunk weep
-a general misunderstanding of the general concepts of customer service
-very low prices on all sorts of things, that you may not even know you needed

So usually I try to enter Wal-Mart with my mildy friendly tolerance of my fellow man intact, and my bitchy gay inner-monologue on mute (but sub-titled). Today, though, I saw something truly disorienting. As I was almost out of the store I got suckered into checking over the clearance area by the registers. This area is sort of enclosed in what used to be a food vending area (that couldn’t compete with a McDonalds, Wendys, or Chick-Fil-A across the street). Toward the back they had a large shelving unit full of toys they have been, thus far, unable to dump off on the general public. At the bottom of this shelf was a young girl, maybe 8ish (?) looking at some sort of girly toy AND emitting noises that can only be construed as mock sex/orgasm noises. Not shouting, not whispering, but sort of at that level you use when talking to someone across a table. Now granted, I have been known to have a sometimes perverse mind, and sometimes insert smutty thoughts in otherwise non-smutty situations, but I’m 25 and that’s my prerogative. But, THIS was really disconcerting. Where did this girl hear these noises? Why was she compelled to make these noises in public? Why did I have to be standing there when she decided to start? Why the hell didn’t her mother, who was standing barely 7 feet away, STOP HER? Maybe I’m just assuming that the nearest person to this child was reponsible for her. Maybe they were strangers too. Maybe the girl just s head to Wal-Mart on her own to get “happy” over bargains on toys. Regardless, it was time to get out.

The moral of this story is two-fold:
-Birth control is key in keeping you from the reponsibilities of parenting until you are ready
-Be ready for ANYTHING when you go to Wal-Mart

Oh, and watch out for falling prices!

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